Why (modern) arranged marriages fail?

Slow rate of decrease of men domination and high rate of increase of (pseudo) women liberation is a common factor for the increased failure of both love and arranged marriages! Discussing about that common factor is not the intent of this post.

 First of all, why do love marriages fail? What is positively said about love marriages is that the girl and boy already  get to know about each other and so they form a 'Perfect Match'. Even then, why do love marriages fail? Leave the cases where the trouble is created by some external forces. There are good amount of love marriage failures because of the mis-understanding between husband and wife. The whole idea behind love marriage, i.e 'Understanding' is in a shake.



Yes, the boy and girl 'get to know' about each other when they love. But what do they get to know is a big question.  Most of the lovers project only their positive side when they love. So the misunderstanding after marriage is because of 'not enough understanding' before marriage.

"Ok fine Karthik. The topic is about arranged marriage. But you are discussing about Love marriage???"

Yes I am coming to the topic now. The same problem, 'not enough understanding' has crept  into arranged marriages too. 'Pre marriage flirting' is what I am referring to. This started even before cell phone penetration. That time 'cordless phones' were helping. After the penetration of mobile phones, there is a multi-fold increase in flirting. (First of all, is it right to call the telephonic conversation between 'would be' husband and wife as flirting?). Getting the phone numbers and talking over phone (between engagement and marriage) is approved by parents (though with some murmurs).

A month back, I boarded Mysore-Chennai (via Bangalore,Kanchipuram) bus at Bangalore. The person in the next seat was a girl (I am still surprised how they allotted a male and female in adjacent seats. What was more surprising is that most of the seats in that bus were allotted in the same manner. Something wrong!).

She was already over phone. After hearing a minute of her conversation (things falling on our ears without our consent is not overhearing ;) ), I understood that she was talking with her future (who can assure about future?) husband. With more hearing, I realised that she is talking with him since she boarded her bus (at Mysore). Since I was not very comfortable in having a lady at the next seat (u know? I am a gentleman :P), I was not able to sleep comfortably. I was awake at least till the bus was crossing Vaniambadi (100 kms from Bangalore) and she was talking till then. When I left the bus at Kanchipuram, she was sleeping. So I am not sure, when they completed. Hope all of you have heard such conversations with ENTROPY = 0 :)

"Karthik, their phone, their battery, their money, their life. What's your problem?"

See I can't be selfish not thinking about others ;)

Just like lovers chat where only positives are projected, even in these Pre marriage flirting, only positives are projected both by the man and woman. She will try to project herself as a a best woman a family can get, so adjustable, so caring blah blah blah. He will try to project himself as an intelligent person, hero, highly humorous, person FOR women liberty blah blah blah.

When he/she sees the reality after marriage, which will definitely be different from what they were thinking, full disappointment. What is worse was the guy's projection about his mother as a caring lady who will treat his fiance as her daughter which will definitely be considered false by that girl after marriage (To know more, read 'in_laws'). If they think more and more about that disappointment, it will get bigger and bigger, thereby ending up in failure.



The idea behind pre (arranged) marriage conversations is to add the positive of love marriage (i.e understanding before marriage) to arranged marriage. The transition after marriage (esp for girls) will be somewhat smooth when they already have an idea about the better half's likes, dislikes, family etc. But when it becomes over-dosage, then it will definitely add the negative of love marriage also (i.e not enough understanding).

What is the moral? "Adakki Vaasi"


P.S: There is a bit of selfishness in this post. If some one see me doing too much of Pre marriage flirting after my engagement, please remind me about this post. Thanks in advance! ;)