Why (modern) arranged marriages fail?

Slow rate of decrease of men domination and high rate of increase of (pseudo) women liberation is a common factor for the increased failure of both love and arranged marriages! Discussing about that common factor is not the intent of this post.

 First of all, why do love marriages fail? What is positively said about love marriages is that the girl and boy already  get to know about each other and so they form a 'Perfect Match'. Even then, why do love marriages fail? Leave the cases where the trouble is created by some external forces. There are good amount of love marriage failures because of the mis-understanding between husband and wife. The whole idea behind love marriage, i.e 'Understanding' is in a shake.



Yes, the boy and girl 'get to know' about each other when they love. But what do they get to know is a big question.  Most of the lovers project only their positive side when they love. So the misunderstanding after marriage is because of 'not enough understanding' before marriage.

"Ok fine Karthik. The topic is about arranged marriage. But you are discussing about Love marriage???"

Yes I am coming to the topic now. The same problem, 'not enough understanding' has crept  into arranged marriages too. 'Pre marriage flirting' is what I am referring to. This started even before cell phone penetration. That time 'cordless phones' were helping. After the penetration of mobile phones, there is a multi-fold increase in flirting. (First of all, is it right to call the telephonic conversation between 'would be' husband and wife as flirting?). Getting the phone numbers and talking over phone (between engagement and marriage) is approved by parents (though with some murmurs).

A month back, I boarded Mysore-Chennai (via Bangalore,Kanchipuram) bus at Bangalore. The person in the next seat was a girl (I am still surprised how they allotted a male and female in adjacent seats. What was more surprising is that most of the seats in that bus were allotted in the same manner. Something wrong!).

She was already over phone. After hearing a minute of her conversation (things falling on our ears without our consent is not overhearing ;) ), I understood that she was talking with her future (who can assure about future?) husband. With more hearing, I realised that she is talking with him since she boarded her bus (at Mysore). Since I was not very comfortable in having a lady at the next seat (u know? I am a gentleman :P), I was not able to sleep comfortably. I was awake at least till the bus was crossing Vaniambadi (100 kms from Bangalore) and she was talking till then. When I left the bus at Kanchipuram, she was sleeping. So I am not sure, when they completed. Hope all of you have heard such conversations with ENTROPY = 0 :)

"Karthik, their phone, their battery, their money, their life. What's your problem?"

See I can't be selfish not thinking about others ;)

Just like lovers chat where only positives are projected, even in these Pre marriage flirting, only positives are projected both by the man and woman. She will try to project herself as a a best woman a family can get, so adjustable, so caring blah blah blah. He will try to project himself as an intelligent person, hero, highly humorous, person FOR women liberty blah blah blah.

When he/she sees the reality after marriage, which will definitely be different from what they were thinking, full disappointment. What is worse was the guy's projection about his mother as a caring lady who will treat his fiance as her daughter which will definitely be considered false by that girl after marriage (To know more, read 'in_laws'). If they think more and more about that disappointment, it will get bigger and bigger, thereby ending up in failure.



The idea behind pre (arranged) marriage conversations is to add the positive of love marriage (i.e understanding before marriage) to arranged marriage. The transition after marriage (esp for girls) will be somewhat smooth when they already have an idea about the better half's likes, dislikes, family etc. But when it becomes over-dosage, then it will definitely add the negative of love marriage also (i.e not enough understanding).

What is the moral? "Adakki Vaasi"


P.S: There is a bit of selfishness in this post. If some one see me doing too much of Pre marriage flirting after my engagement, please remind me about this post. Thanks in advance! ;)

Being 'House Wife' is not a sin

Disclaimer: Lot of generalizations have been done in this post. I would consider this post to have accomplished its purpose even if a single reader find it reflecting the reality.

 
Even before I start discussing about this topic, I am bound to clarify those people who think, the term 'House Wife' is not correct and it should have been 'Home Maker'. I recently read an article in which a lady has written that women community is thinking of some other better name than Home maker. Whatever be the name, it is no way going to change the way of life of those women who stay at home giving preference to welfare of family. All those people who keep these names are those high class women who have no work spending time at clubs. 'House wife' is no way an inferior term. If you think it is inferior, then you are thinking your house itself as an inferior one.

Ok lets get into the topic.

If we look back, say some 30 to 40 years back, women going for a job was a rare event. May be, that time, 'Not being a house wife' might have been considered a sin. Later, some women started working in govt sectors like bank, post office, schools etc since those works didn't have much pressure and the time was comfortable for them to manage both family and work.

Since husband and wife started working, the economic situation of the family was good enough to make even their girl children study till they wish. Girls started doing masters courses like MSc, MA etc.. Still I am in early 90s. Parents started thinking, "Having studied till masters. Why should she waste her education? Let her go for a job at least till marriage".

We were and are always in a mindset that education is a source of income. If some one studies and then decide not to go for a job, whatever he/she has studied straight away goes into bin and gets wasted.

Going to a college and doing a course is not just for degree and making money out of that degree. It is the exposure a person gets outside in a place like college which matters a lot. The decision of sending girls to colleges and making them do masters is healthy but not the thinking that a educated person should definitely go for a job.

Ok fine, all those MSc, MCA girls started working in private firms. Many colleges were started and good amount of these girls became lecturers in college. Even after marriage, their husbands didn't have problem in they going for a job. After all, they will get more money every month and most of the husbands didn't want to lose it. Yes, more women started working but things didn't become worse even till late 90s. There were good amount of house wives too.

Then came our IT followed by development in all industries. Lot of work force was needed. In parallel, many engineering colleges were started. Those girls who were joining prestigious arts and science colleges earlier started joining BE. When non-conversion of BSc/MSc to job itself was considered waste, who will accept a girl with BE degree to not go for a job?

Most of those engineering graduate girls started working in IT firms. Arts and Science students started going to same IT firms either for a lower profile jobs or started working in ITES industry. Girls working 10hrs/day started becoming common.

They mostly married an IT guy. Both earning a lot every month. Own flat, sedan type car, searching land for investing.... Everything for EMI... "Ok fine, so what is the problem? Things sound great, right? By the time their son/daughter completes their UG, they would have saved some good amount of money for sending their children to US for masters.. Everything looks good. What a prosperous life!"  All these are only at abstract level.

Now, let us zoom into their daily life. Let us say, the working wife don't have a helping husband (we will see who is a helping husband in next paragraph). The girl will wake up at 5AM. Cook, get her husband and children ready. Breakfast, pack lunch for everyone and also take for her. Hurry hurry to office. Full pressure from manager at office.. Come back home.. prepare dinner.. help kids in home work... What will that husband do? He will reach home only at 10PM, sit before television for some time, go to bed and wake up only half an hour before starting to office. No help from that husband in household work..What will that pity guy do? He is in the pressure to double his salary in next 5 years.. She will be under pressure for at least 15 hours/day. I started sweating just while writing about their life style. How are women doing all these and still have their face creams intact even at the end of day? ;) They are naturally born as 'over-time' workers or they were trained like that by this society which calls women going for job as 'Women freedom'? I don't know..

So who are those helping husbands? They are men who accept sandwich as breakfast, have lunch at office and take dinner parcel from hotel for everyone at home. The girl announces holiday to kitchen on all working days. There are some women who feel guilty. So she will prepare noodles (the toughest dish to prepare) for everyone during night. But definitely, those men are helping husbands. They at least share a bad life with their wife.

"Hey hey Karthik. Stop.. You are speaking as if they were forced to work.. This is the life they have chosen and they are happy with it. They earn a lot. They plan their retirement even at their 30s. They make their kids join International schools. Everyone at their home (including their children) have a personal laptop. You should also look at the GDP growth because of women working.. Because both earn, they consume a lot and our economy grows. Why are you stopping the economic growth of India?"

I can make fun of all the statements in the earlier paragraph. But that is not the aim of this post.

I am concerned about those minority girls existing in this IT era who don't like that mechanical life and decided not to go for a job even after having a good education. Fortunately, those girls some how get a man also who has put 'Job Not Must' in matrimonial columns.

But this society irritates her all time. Every time she goes to a shop in the next street at 11AM, she will encounter this question (mostly from a 50s lady).. "what are you doing whole day at home? no work right? see all those girls flying like birds to office with their hand bags."... 'chumma dhana irukka?' is the most hurting question a house wife would ever encounter.

Things get so worse that at some point of time, she starts feeling inferior about herself.. She is made to think "I am waste. No purpose in my life".

What do I have to tell those house wives?. Oh lucky lady. Laugh at people around you who are having dirty life. You have got a peaceful life. Your life is the most purposeful one. You are taking care of a family with utmost care. You are a woman who is not running after money. While women around you are trying to increase the family income from 5Rs to 10Rs, you are a great economist who can run a family with that 5Rs itself. Be happy and ignore those useless ones on the next street.

What do I have to tell those husbands of house wives?.. Let the world tell whatever it wants. But you never ever tell  "What work do you have? You are idle at home, right?". That will hurt her a lot. Please check what interests her. She might have been a singer or a trained classical dancer or an artist or she might have got interest in something recently. Advice her to join classes and learn something which interests her. If she is good in music/dance/arts or anything, encourage her to teach others for few hours every day. Just because she is not going for a job, it doesn't mean she is good for nothing. You understood her feelings and married her. Please understand her feelings forever.

Beware of Doctors

I have been visiting a dentist at Bangalore regularly sine last week. I had a root canal treatment. I will be going there for some more days since I have few more repair works :)

I am always afraid of doctors other than ones I visit regularly in my hometown. But having got (almost) settled in Bangalore, I had to find some doctors here too. I some how landed with this dentist.

The dentist would be around 35 and he claims that he is member of American dental association (It could be true too). He has 2 good looking lady assistants [;)] and they call the dentist as 'The Chief Doctor!' They always smile (extra smile while looking at me [;)]).

Don't know why but there was a cosmetic effect in that clinic. Was not appearing like a typical clinic. Or may be, the 'not so clean' clinic and simply looking doctors at my place made me feel this one as cosmetic.

Even before finding fault with the dentist, I have to accept that I was given a good treatment and my root canal problem got solved (may be at a higher cost). I am going to tell about another patient.

The clinic has a beauty parlor effect with 2 adjacent treatment seats. The Chief Doctor(!) will keep shifting between 2 seats and handle 2 patients at a time (parallel processing!)

When I was having treatment, a lady (around 30) with lip-stick (I should say this), layers of make-up and really slow walk sat in the adjacent seat. Obviously, the Chief stopped my treatment in the middle and went to that seat [:P]

I had no other go than to overhear what that lady is telling to the dentist [;)]

Now lets see the conversation. I will call that lady as 'Beauty' just to add glamor to this post[;)]

Dentist: Tell madam. Whats your problem?
Beauty: I had tooth pain for some time yesterday but never had pain after that. I am worried!
            (Why worry? you should have been happy)

After closely inspecting the teeth, the doctor couldn't find any problem. But how can he miss the opportunity to make money?
Doctor: This is not a complete dental problem. But I won't say you don't have a dental problem completely.
(Best way of confusing the patient)
Now the patient started giving clues...
Beauty: I actually had migraine problem
Doctor: Oh, then it could have been a migraine and dental problem occurring together. There are cases where tooth pain intrigues migraine (Full bluffing)
Beauty: My kid was not feeling well for past few weeks. I didn't have proper sleep
Doctor: Oh, then it is sleeplessness+ migraine+ dental problem... As I said earlier, this is not a complete dental problem. I have to say that one of your teeth is very long and it has to be removed. But you can do it later. (Creating an opportunity for future business). Anyways, I will cure this problem now.

He prescribed a toothpaste, a toothbrush, mouthwash and some vitamin tablets (Should I explain more about the links he might have with the pharma companies producing those items). He collected a consultation charge of Rs. 500/- The lady was happy

The doctor was very happy that he made business out of nothing. Suddenly he got reminded of me and started back the drilling work.

May be, the lady has lot of money and loads of fear that she came to doctor for no reason. The doctor behaved like yet another business man and used the opportunity.

Now arises all these questions from a lay-man like me.

Where are those doctors who say "You don't have any problem. Don't worry" and collect no fees?

Where are those doctors who don't prescribe medicines unnecessarily (even if they prescribe, the medicine cost will be not more than Rs. 30/-)?


Where are those doctors who give sample medicines (which they get from medical reps) free of cost to poor patients?

Where are those doctors who don't ask for all the test reports (blood, urine, motion, saliva, sweat... hooof..did i leave anything?) and that too tested only from place they recommend (for what else other than getting commission)

I won't generalise this for the entire doctor community. Still there are genuine doctors. But it is unfortunate that they are becoming fewer and fewer.

Public! It is time we all have to be very careful with them. Medicine is not a (real) service industry any more and many doctors don't deserve a 'God' status any more. They have opened the shop and now it is all left with us not to get cheated. Pure business!

I have been so far speaking about doctors who got graduation. There are group of fake ones who look and speak like professional doctors.

The list of complaints go on... I hear voices from all sides. Karthik, you forgot to mention about the Kidney theft. Hey Karthik, what about medicine tests on poor people causing long term non-curable diseases?.......

Man, I am getting frightened as I dig more and more.

Beware of doctors!

Holiday Special: Parents, don't forget your past!

I have been traveling a lot (approx 800kms per week) since last month. Traveling gives lot of thoughts and insights (but only problem, it doesn't give time to write!)

Last weekend, when I was at my hometown, I had to stay at my sister's home (of course, for escorting!) which is 4kms away from our house. I went to her house at 8:30PM. My sister's 2nd daughter Sriranjani (2.5 yrs) was watching a movie (Abhiyum Naaanum) from DVD player. I was tired and went to bed immediately.

Next day morning, I woke up only by 7AM. Sriranjani was seeing another movie (Poo) from the same DVD. I went to my home and then came back to my sister's house, that day evening for some other work. Again 'Poo'. I came to know that a round of Abhiyum Naanum-Poo-Abhiyum Naanum was over in the time between morning and evening.

This was crazy! I asked Sriranjani (in a polite manner), why she was seeing those movies repeatedly. She replied in her own way by putting some nail marks on my nose ;) Then I inquired about this to my sister (applying coconut oil on the marks) and told her that this was something crazy and unusual!

She gave a mild knock on my head ('kuttu' ku enna pa english la?) and asked me why I was seeing 'Thanga Padhakkam' and 'Gowravam' for months together when I was in my school days? Yeah I forgot my past!

It was the time Video cassettes were slowly losing existence but we had a functioning Video cassette player in our house. We know a person who was having a Video Cassette shop. He wanted to dispose some old movie cassettes and so gave us some 10 cassettes. 'Thanga Padhakkam' and 'Gowravam' were the 2 movies among the 10 (Vallavanukku vallavan, Paalum Pazhamum etc. were the other movies which I saw only once or twice)

I don't know why but just liked seeing those 2 movies in loop. This was happening for some months till I could tell the complete dialogue of both the movies. I will see at least 1 of the movies after returning from school and surely watch both on weekends. I don't remember why I stopped seeing those movies (may be I got bored and started doing some other crazy thing).

Kids, be it yesteryear or yesterday or today or tomorrow, do similar things (just in a different way like DVD player instead of Cassette player, cricket in hot sun instead of goli in hot sun, full day video games instead of full day ludo, the list goes on....)

Daughter lost her eraser at school. The advice+scolding lasted for more than a hour and now it became "how can I buy you scooty when you become older? You will loose that too" (Adangonnia!). My dear mother, you forgot that you ate '1 chalk/day' and was telling some lies to your mother for chalks getting over quickly.

Most important thing parents forget is the marks they got during their school days. Why is it that almost all kids don't have the guts to question their parents about the marks they scored? Where will most of the parents keep their face if their kids ask this question?

An auto driver was slapping his son outside his school in front of all for failing in a subject. "My father didn't make me study in a nice school and because of that I became an auto driver. I didn't want you to become like me and hence I am working hard to pay your fees in this big school but you are failing. Look at other kids....................................................". Stop. Stop. Mr. Auto driver, I respect your care and the hard work you put in making your son get a good education. One question. If I am not wrong, your father might have admitted you at least in the nearest govt. school. There are great personalities who have studied in govt school in remote villages. Why didn't you become one like them? Why did you stop going to school from 8th standard and learned to smoke even at the age of 14?

(Well, parents are going to kill me :P) I am not telling that parents should not keep a watch on their kids or advice them but just don't intervene them all-time. All of us have evolved over years. We have corrected ourselves over time. Give them that time. Don't pour all your 30-40 year experience on them. Show them the path but don't curb them (kadivaalam podaadheenga ndradha english la solla try panninen pa)



Remember, You have done everything when you were young! Don't forget your past!

Happy holidays, Kids! :)
 
Thinking of a sequel titled "Youth Special: Parents, don't forget your past!" . But I have to be even more harder. Keep watching this space! :)




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Lord Muruga Controversy

Well this post has nothing to do with my atheistic inclinations. Just thought of sharing my doubt.

I have always known Lord Muruga (Shiva's 2nd son) as 'Thamizh Kadavul' (Tamil God). That is the insight(!?) I got, watching movies like Agathiyar, Avvayar etc. For a long time, I didn't mind it.

One day, I came to know the reason for keeping my name as 'Karthik'. It seems some well wisher near our home prayed to Lord Muruga (Karthikeyan) that at least that time (4th time :P) my mother should give birth to a male baby (I have 3 elder sisters) and if that happens, 'His' name will be kept for that child. So came this name. After hearing my own story, my interest towards Muruga increased ;)

I started thinking. If Muruga is a Tamil God, then how many sons does Shiva have according to rest of India. And if Muruga is a Tamil God, how come the name Karthik is kept even in other parts of country. No one could clarify me.

Later (probably 4 yrs back), when I was in a Karnataka tour, I went to Subramanya temple, Shiva's 2nd son in another name. (I don't know whether he is called Kannada God there:P).

So someone has to clarify me. If Muruga is not a Tamil God, then what about Agathiyar, Avvayar stuff? False information??? Or does Muruga also has different avatars(like Lord Narayana) in different Indian states?

Let me bring the email and SMS trend to blog too. "If you clear my doubt, you will get the blessings of Muruga. Or pass this doubt to 100 people and get salvation. If you neglect this post, you will also suffer like Muruga with 2 wives (for women, 2 husbands)" :D

in-laws

"70% of in-laws don't like each other. Rest 30% are good actors ;)"

Though there are many 'in-law' relationship, I will restrict to the most interesting and notorious relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in law alone.

We all say that this is a male dominated world. It is true too. But there is one area where it is female dominated. Where else? It is in maintaining Family relationship. Family head is a male just for a sake. Men as they age, kind of stop dealing the family related issues (it is the most complex issue). [If you are going to say "No, It is not the case in my family". I am simply going to reply "Yours is an exception". Even my family is an exception :)]

Lets move to the next family issue.

Right or wrong, we are having a social system where a girl who was living in a system for 20+ years is suddenly unplugged and plugged into another system with completely different setup after an event called marriage. Foreign agent in a system will always lead to chaos. [Multi Agent System students can elaborate more :)].

Got the picture?

A woman who has lot of powers vested with her gets an additional post called 'Mother- in-law'. Another woman with lot of confusions steps into a family to create more confusions. Though ppl utter this sentimental dialogue "you are like my daughter", they are called 'Daughter-in-law' to indirectly say "you are not my daughter"

"Karthik. You are a male chauvinist. Not all in laws have a strained relationship. I know in laws who live like mother-daughter"  Please read the first line again. They are just good actors.

So having set the ground that in-laws will always have some problem between them, let us see what could be the reasons for that. There are many. Each one of use have a lot of stories in our own families. There are plenty of reasons to develop hatred. But I feel, everything boils down to 2 root causes.

1. Mother's possessiveness towards son. They just don't know how to react when another girl is asking for a share. Biological curse erases the fact from their memory that they are (/were) also a daughter in law to another women.There is another peculiar problem in a family with boy and girl. Usually Mothers show a lot of love towards her son than daughter. But this is only till both of them get married (I am yet to experiment this in my home since all my sisters are married and my mother shows lot of love towards me till now. Have to wait and see). Comparison done between the daughter-in-law and daughter is a major cause for problem again all because of the possessiveness problem.

2. For the girl, it is a complete change in lifestyle. The girl has to adapt right from wake up time to dinner time of that family. Some eat lunch at 2PM, some at 12 noon. Some families don't eat breakfast at all and some family eat 4 times a day. Which chore to share with mother-in-law? How much tamarind to be added for Sambar? Am I allowed to wear night dress during day time too? My mother in law maintains a shabby kitchen. Hooooof. Complete mismatch

So what can be done to solve this problem? First of all, can it be solved at all? Is there any desired solution that is defined? Lot of questions before us.

For sure, we can't ask people to change. There is no point in asking too. But we can at least try to change the system and increase the actors percentage from 30 to say, 70.

The probability of in-laws fighting decreases as their proximity decreases.  [Who is going to write a mathematical model for this? :P].

So whats the suggestion from my side?

"Karthik. Wait wait. I got it. Are you going to suggest atomic family? Don't you know the importance of nuclear family? Isn't it good for children to grow under the care of grand parents? Who will take care of the parents who have been taking care of us these many years?"

Come on. Atomic families need not be 10000 kms apart meeting once in a decade. They can be in the same city too. Why not, in adjacent streets too.

As soon as a boy gets married, he should be made to stay in a separate house with his wife. Let the couples visit both their houses during weekends, festivals etc. Let the children spend the entire vacation with their grand parents.

If one needs the help of other, say, a working daughter-in-law needs her mother-in-law's help to take care of children or an ailing mother-in-law needs the care of her daughter-in-law,  both the families can live together during that time. Now won't there be a problem?. Simple. When people become dependent, they won't create problems.

Making the in-laws to stay at a 'handshaking distance' will avoid 'hair-holding fights' :)

I am pretty much open to your comments and especially suggestions. After all, your inputs may help me too :P

Sabarimala - Why do men flock in?

With 45-50 million devotees going every year, the world's 2nd largest pilgrimage (after Hajj in Mecca), me questioning why people put Mala and visit Sabarimala in large numbers may sound silly.

Yes, Lord Iyyappan may be a powerful god (Other Gods have less power and are in need of glucose eh? [;]) but there should be some more attractive things. One could be the kind of clean feeling which Individuals get with 2 times bath, sandal thilak etc. It could also be the respect (at least orally) which others show calling 'Saami'.

No no, I am not satisfied. There should be something more.

Yeah, now I got the clue.

It is the restriction to women (typically aged between 13-50) which should be one of the most important attracting feature of Sabarimala.

"What?? Karthik, Are you crazy?"

Any man would recall he being Bachelor as the best part of his life. Post marriage life is hectic to the core. Wife, children, electricity bill, telephone bill, motor pump repair, aging parents...... Hoof.....Men just get stuck up with all these commitments. Don't we see men telling "It has been years since I saw a movie in theatre". Of course, even women get equally(or even more) committed and become busy. It is unfortunate that women don't get any opportunity to hang out.

For men, Sabarimala is the savior. More than Sabarimala, it is the tour they plan which gains importance.  Free from office. Free from doing driver duty for children dropping them and taking them back from school. Free from scoldings of wife [:P]. Free from mother's complaints about wife [;)]. 1 week Bachelor life. Enjoy!!!!!!

Some one is going to stand on me shouting "You are an atheist". I can't say anything but "Swamiye Saranam Iyyappa!" [:)]



P.S: I have never put Samarimala Mala (may be because I am not yet married [;)]). So my views are completely secondary. I have taken typical middle class family as example (not people who go in car, take short route and finish Sabarimala dharshan in 1 or 2 days)

Kids - God or Devil?

"Oh Karthik! How can you even think of comparing kids with devils? Are you so hard-hearted?"

"Don't you remember the tamil song 'Kuzhandhayum dheivamum gunathaal ondru' (kids and God are same by character)?" 


Well, even I am going to end the post as "Kids are like God"  BUT NOT in the sense you all think.

I always take examples from my family. So have my Family Tree in another tab (or window) for easy reference.

I am typing this post with complete noise around me.

Sriranjani (2 yrs old) is eating for more than a hour. My mother almost lost her energy but still she manage to shout. While my mother got some hope that Sriranjani will finish eating in 10 more mins, Sri told "Paatti aai poganum" (Grandma, I have to go for toilet). Going, cleaning..... 30 more mins of eating after that.

Sriranjani is one super active kid. No one can match her energy level. She ll eat camphor, draw something on walls, go and pinch Nambirajan..... Hoof. Uncontrollable kid!

Nambirajan (1 months old) has got high fever. Yesterday only, I took his mother Kavitha to doctor since she too had fever. Kavitha is almost damaged. I call "Kavitha........." She started shouting "No one should call me"

Sudha is helpless in another room with fractured leg.

Vinu and Samvardhani are not troublesome now. But they were also troublesome till the age of 5. Vinu used to vomit everyday till her UKG. Sami had some breathing problem till the age of 3.

So how am I going to conclude that Kids are like God?

Believers of God usually say that God gives troubles to devotees so that they will always remember His presence.

Kids are also of same nature. They too give a lot of trouble and will always have our attention around them.

I insisted 2 children during my previous post. But also have in mind. You are going to have a tough time till the children attain at least an age of 5.

Marri 'age' - At what age?

Please have my Family Tree in another tab for easy reference.

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20^th Nov 2009

2:30PM

My father: Karthik, Bad news. Sudha fell down in her office while climbing down the stairs and got her leg fractured.

Karthik: Appa, shall I come?

My Father: Wait I will let you know

FYI, Sudha works and lives in Chengalpattu only.

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3:15PM

My Father: It seems the injury is heavy. It is difficult to cure in Chengalpattu. So we are going to shift her to MIOT hospital, Chennai through ambulance. So you start from Bangalore now and come to MIOT hospital straight away.

Karthik: Ok Appa, I will start now. I ll reach hospital probably by 10:30PM

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Kavitha is already in Chengalpattu since she gave delivery to Nambirajan a month back. Latha also came to Chengalpattu and later she along with my father came to MIOT hospital. We 3 took different responsibilities.

Kavitha and my mother are taking care of Vinu, Sriranjani and Nambirajan. I was with my father helping him throughout the process. Latha is going to be the attender for my sister in hospital.

Sudha was operated on Saturday (21^st Nov) and she was shifted to general ward from ICU yesterday (23^rd Nov) and then only I returned back to Bangalore.

Only because, we 3 siblings were there, my parents were able to tackle the problem without any one else's help.

I have never felt, 4 children were too much for my parents. I (we) have always felt the importance of each sibling throughout my (our) life time.

Now I compare this with the ‘one child’ culture widely getting spread in our society these days. Our generation is planning a lot. We plan till retirement and come to a conclusion that 1 child is more than enough.

Leave alone disappearance of relationships like periamma, periappa, chithi, chithappa,mama etc (uncle, aunt) , leave alone population explosion of our country, there is another side to this 'one child' culture.

Who will be there for that son/daughter after the demise of their parents?  Who will be there to participate in the goods and bads?

I am not recommending everyone to have 4 children. But it is advisable to have at least 2 children (be it of any combination boy-boy, boy-girl, girl-boy, girl-girl). People need some one of their contemporary age as a close relation.

"Ok Karthik, how is this related to the post title?"

Wait wait, I am going to address that only now.

One of the reasons for this ‘one child’ policy is the late marriages happening these days. Boys tend to marry between 28-30 and girls during 26-28. There are proven research about miscarriages during 30s. When a girl, marries after 26, then she will probably give birth to the first child during 28-30. After that, 3 yrs gap for the next child is necessary. So the 2nd child birth ll happen only in 30s.

This is where the couples start thinking like what will be our age when the child attains an age of 20, Will I be able to settle these children before I retire and so on.

I think, the couples should give birth to 2 children before their early 30s for which the marriage should have been done when the guy is during 25-26 and girl during 23-24.

To quote example from my own family, Sudha got married at 24 and she has 2 children now. Even Latha got married at 24 but she had some other issue, so only 1. Kavitha got married during her late 26 and she got a baby just a month back (when she was 28). Now she is reluctant towards 2nd due to age factor.

This is just my personal opinion. You may completely agree, kind of agree or completely disagree . Whatever it may be, pls feel free to share your thoughts.

I know, some well-wishers of mine are now going to ask “Karthik, when is yours?” :)

Don’t worry. Application form will be available online, shortly ;)

Inter * Marriages

No no, * doesn't refer some censored word. Being a techie [;)] I used * in the context that it refers to anything.

Inter national (Rajiv-Sonia), Inter state (all in Chetan Bhagat's 2 states fever), Inter religion (Jain-Christian why always hindu-muslim?), Inter caste (Mudaliar - Thevar), Inter sub-caste (Iyer - Iyengar), Inter sub sub caste (Vadakalai-Thenkalai).I heard there were marriages conducted between human beings and donkeys too.. Not sure [:P].

hoof..how many divisions? Yes, * really refers to anything.

The level of tolerance towards such marriages differs between individuals. Some are OK till inter caste but nothing more than that. Some are OK as long as both belong to India, thanks to IT.

But most of the Indian marriages are not Inter*.

This post is not trying to speak for one and ridicule other. There have been successful stories in both sides and for sure, failures too. I will just show the roots of issue and leave it to the discretion of readers to take a stand.

First let me tell how I perceive these divisions/groups/societies. It is something like the "Divide and Conquer" algorithm. Divide a bigger problem into smaller ones, solve each small problem so that the bigger problem automatically gets solved. Probably, that should be the reason for these divides. People belonging to a group will help each other for their welfare. Similarly if all the groups does that, the entire human race will prosper. In this angle, division is not a problem.

Problem starts when one society wants to improve at the cost of other. We don't know who started what. But the problem never ends. I will drag you down because you will any way drag me down. That is the mentality.

With this existing less tolerant social system, 2 people (obviously men and women, this post does not speak about homosexuals) start loving each other. Most of the times, those 2 will belong to different sides of the 'Inter boundary lines' their parents have drawn.

Why do parents draw those boundaries? In most of the cases, those boundaries are drawn to ensure that they and their children don't get neglected from the society or group they belong to.

Here comes the interesting scenario. All parents in that society draw that line, afraid of being neglected by others in their society. So a parent won't draw a line if there is no fear of neglect. This is the reality. "I am afraid of others but I am also an other to others". Got it? :) Come on Karthik, what a philosophy! It has to be inscribed in some monument ;)

Inter* marriages happening at high class families (very rich) and low class families (very poor) usually don't face much problems. One don't care much about others and other have better problems to think of. Only in middle class, this is considered as a big problem.

Now what should those 2 true(!?) lovers do?

If they go ahead and marry against the wishes of parents, they may have to face tough time. They would be happy of their marriage but bitter consequences have to be faced. There may be a situation where no one will be there to help that girl during her delivery. Whose group will the child belong to? Struggle struggle struggle. Even though they struggle. most probably, they won't stop their children from doing Inter* marriages. So if many more marriages of that sort happens, then the reluctance towards Inter* marriages will go off and  the entire social system may change.



But should those 2 face such a long battle just for changing the social system? Rather, why don't they understand the reality and part away leading a smooth life with so many relatives, so many well-wishers from their communities. But chances are that they won't allow Inter* marriages of their children too with the same ground of being neglected. Whats the result? No change in social system.



There is no trade-off. Either live with an angel in hell or live with a ghost in heaven. Which one to choose????

How can I say? :)

But I want to tell one thing. Don't think, more Inter* marriages will lead to a division-less society. Groupism is human's nature. Lets say Inter religion marriages is accepted by everyone. Then new combo groups like HinduMuslim, ChristianHindu, JainMuslim will form and there will be again 2 lovers from 2 different combo groups trying to break this and such people will eventually form another group, say HinduMuslimJain and that may be called as a caste "HMJ" some centuries later. Breaking and making divisions is a cycle. You and me won't be alive to see all those transitions.

Feel free to post your comment :)


P.S: I have done lot of assumptions while writing this post. So if you are going to counter argue on something, I may possibly say that an assumption ;)

A girl's scrapbook

I recently got a friend request. I opened that profile and I believe, it is for sure, a fake one created in a girl's name.

Look at some of the scraps written to that profile by some foolish guys.

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is the photo of yours or not?
if yes ,then you look so cute...

Is this how you start a communication with an unknown girl?

hiiiiiiii dearrrrrrr

I still don't understand the context where dear is used.

heeiii...hw cn i find abt u.....

haan. do a google search.

y u didn't scrab me
first learn the spelling


hi shruthi hasan
why are you bringing in Shruthi Hassan nd all in this issue?

hi honey r u there
honey!!!??? again I don't understand this term

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Leave it. It was just a fake profile.

Many genuine girl profiles receive such non-sense scraps from some cheap guys. It is actually a shame to those guys and entire men community.

I have never seen a girl post such non sense thing in a guy's scrapbook.

When girls are so clever and controlled of not showing their dirty side ( IMO, All minds irrespective gender are dirty), why are you guys so foolish?

I usually call it a show off when girls put "Strangers pls stay away", "Fuck off strangers", "I don't accept friend request from strangers" etc. in their profiles.

But now I realise that most of them are not just show-offs.


P.S: Flirting is a different issue all together and this post has nothing to do with it. 

Stay away from good looking girls

(Just for fun! But take it serious :P)

Preamble:

· What is ‘good looking’ is a subjective issue which is beyond the scope of this chapter :P.

· Author has assumed that guys tend to move closer with good looking girls which may not be true in few cases.

· ‘Close’ need not be thought as something to do with physical proximity :P

· The entire article is written in men’s perspective. So I am sure more girls will read this ;)

· The word ‘attitude’ is used by author in a broader sense. Please don’t map it to something specific that your imagination coins.

· Read ‘ the author’ as ‘karthik’ wherever applicable :)

Chapter 1:

Imagine that a guy is moving closely with a girl who is looking good according to him (issue is serious if it is according to me :P). There are at least two problems in moving closely with a good looking girl

1. If the attitude of that good looking girl is very inspiring, then automatically they guy feels “How nice it will be if I marry her and have her as my life partner?”. There is nothing wrong in that thought and it is quite natural. But the road is not very smooth. First of all even you should appear good (in look and attitude) to her. Then comes the social structure which is not pro-love marriage. Nationality (Mind, I am studying in an International Institute :P), Religion. Caste….. the list goes on. Why to face these many problems? If you don’t have such restrictions, then you are a fortunate person (not many are fortunate enough). So (unfortunate) guys stay away from good looking girls with good attitude.

2. Now the other side of coin. In my limited experience, what I reckon is, 50% of good looking girls don’t have a good attitude (at least in men’s perspective). So if you find that the good looking girl has a bad attitude after moving closely with her, then whenever you see that girl, only her attitude comes up in your mind, NOT her face, smile, attire (or whatever you found as good looking :P ). Then what is the purpose of she being a good looking girl? ;) Her beauty is of no use to you ;) [Sight adikka mudiadhu machi]

So this is the verdict guys. Beware of good looking girls.

Just enjoy sighting them from distance :)

Pour in your thoughts too.

More chapters to be written in future. Suggestions invited :)

(I wish my parents don’t see this post :P )